Depression

[many colored grass]

This, my friend, will heal with time. Which is good yet bad, my first big long relationship took me months to overcome and they were awful. Not to mention they accompanied the months of winter which as with many others on here, are my worst months due to SAD. Depending on why you were kicked out you can still expect returning home though, girls are crazy mood swingers as we all know.

And that's one thing that sucks about it. You know that only time, persistence, and the right mind set can do the healing, time being the major player. And it's likely to go back and forth and back and forth (between good and bad days).

I don't see it very likely to be returning home, atleast any time very soon. I think one major thing with us is that we got overly involved in such a way that we lost ourselves, and especially with me.

The long road...

[many colored grass]

Absolutely know how this feels. I made a big show of how depressed I thought I was when I was a teenager in high school, but in the back of my mind somewhere the feeling that I could turn something great out of this life was much stronger than it is now. Now I've succeeded in going to college and graduating in 4 years, and I actually feel more weighed down and held back by my own indecision and general lack of any good answers to the question "what do i do now", and more hopeless about the situation I find myself in... even if some parts are my "future" are going alright, what kind of incentive is there to even try when the rest of the world is in this recession? When everything sucks and you are starting to feel it as tangibly as everyone now is, it makes you really abandon most plans to make things better. I tried to apply for some jobs at Office Depot and Gamestop and I got so anxious and depressed that I just gave up before I even turned in the applications. I went to college for this? Rip off. $30,000 a year for 4 years and I can't even get a job where I would've worked when I was in high school.

I also know what you mean about feeling like a smoldering crater after a relationship. I've had two relationships in my life that ended that way - both of them actually started to make me feel that way before they were over, they broke up more like the space shuttle in re-entry... over time and in pieces, but deteriorating all the way in fiery explosions. It doesn't help that the most recent one fell apart at the same time as I was changing my major in tech school and effectively erasing whatever "plans" i'd made for the future. I was happy for a short time before that, because I had a "plan" that not only was chosen by me, but that looked like it was going to work too. It's not even worth getting my hopes up anymore.

Yeah I'm working a job I could have had in high school. It's pretty embarrassing sometimes. Especially considering that I did well in college, grade-wise. Oh well.

If I could say something about the past few years in my life pertaining to quite a few situations it would be "Regret is a motherfucker."

I think that 17 years of school (13+4 college) can make you unable to solidly set goals and make decisions for yourself. You're so directly given directions on every aspect of what you do and have preset black and white goals set for you (make a good grade on this test, make a good grade overall, graduate, etc.). When you find yourself in the "real world," your ability to plan ahead and make decisions outside of the framework of a school environment can be all but paralyzed. Although some people aren't as affected, mind you.

I don't think any relationship just spontaneously combusts, despite what some might think. If it did, it wasn't much of a relationship in the first place. On mine, I'm still at ground zero.

One thing for sure is that I've gotta make some tangible goals for myself. More than "I want something to happen with my music." Another is that I've just got to live life more. Get out, do more activities, meet more people, and hang out more with the friends I already have. I really want to use this as the fire that was lit under my ass and spurred me into action to become a better person. For now I've gotta take it one day at a time since I'm still in the intense part.

Hearing about your experiences is much appreciated, by the way.

[ninetyoneplus]

Not to be obnoxious summer camp counselor here, and I know problems are a lot deeper than this, but have you guys tried exercising a lot?

Physical activity releases endorphins in your brain, which make you feel good, at least for a short period of time. I know its not really a solution, but feeling good more often = more overall happiness.

I know whenever I'm in the shits I feel a ton better after I run.

[turquoise70]

i have no job. i have no girlfriend (or boyfriend, whatever). no ambition, no desire... no purpose to be here. i have moderate talents in various things like writing and drawing, but nowhere to use them. i'm in such pain every day with the useless pointlessness of it all.

i'm in school and i could care less. i care about my life about as much as i care about a broken down car on cinder blocks in the front yard. sure, i could bust my ass and get it running. but why? what's the point? i sure don't want to.

day to day, i just barely manage to summon the effort to maintain things like brushing my teeth and making sure the garbage gets taken out before it overflows the can. it's just by the good graces of god that i'm even able to keep myself fed and do the laundry.

[Sac]

i have no job. i have no girlfriend (or boyfriend, whatever). no ambition, no desire... no purpose to be here. i have moderate talents in various things like writing and drawing, but nowhere to use them. i'm in such pain every day with the useless pointlessness of it all.

i'm in school and i could care less. i care about my life about as much as i care about a broken down car on cinder blocks in the front yard. sure, i could bust my ass and get it running. but why? what's the point? i sure don't want to.

day to day, i just barely manage to summon the effort to maintain things like brushing my teeth and making sure the garbage gets taken out before it overflows the can. it's just by the good graces of god that i'm even able to keep myself fed and do the laundry.

Jeez, you're out deep, bro.
I suggest reading some philosophy on absurdism, nihilism and existentialism in general. The Myth og Sisyphus by french philosopher Albert Camus has a lot of interesting points.
If you're not a fan of philosophy and all that bullshit, I suggest talking to someone about your issues - I know it's a damn kliché to say so, but that really is the best medicine for a depression - I've been there, and most people will go through an existential crisis eventually at some point in their lives. Good luck.

[turquoise70]

i have no job. i have no girlfriend (or boyfriend, whatever). no ambition, no desire... no purpose to be here. i have moderate talents in various things like writing and drawing, but nowhere to use them. i'm in such pain every day with the useless pointlessness of it all.

i'm in school and i could care less. i care about my life about as much as i care about a broken down car on cinder blocks in the front yard. sure, i could bust my ass and get it running. but why? what's the point? i sure don't want to.

day to day, i just barely manage to summon the effort to maintain things like brushing my teeth and making sure the garbage gets taken out before it overflows the can. it's just by the good graces of god that i'm even able to keep myself fed and do the laundry.

Jeez, you're out deep, bro.
I suggest reading some philosophy on absurdism, nihilism and existentialism in general. The Myth og Sisyphus by french philosopher Albert Camus has a lot of interesting points.
If you're not a fan of philosophy and all that bullshit, I suggest talking to someone about your issues - I know it's a damn kliché to say so, but that really is the best medicine for a depression - I've been there, and most people will go through an existential crisis eventually at some point in their lives. Good luck.

my life -is- an existential crisis. and actually, i majored in philosophy in college (minored in "all that bullshit"). the body of existentialist philosophy is my favorite in the Western conversation and unfortunately even though I went to a school whose featured scholar was Soren Kierkegaard, in my philosophy track existentialism was mostly looked at as a "cop out" or an intellectual dead end.

if you want my opinion, what i really need is a companion - someone else who took an interest in my life, whose interest in my doings from the very minute to the big-picture stuff would "validate" my motivations. the fact is, i know it's better to give a shit about your life for its own sake, and outside of any context, and ideally we're all supposed to be self-motivated, you know, and everyone is supposed to find happiness within themselves, but i really honestly need someone else to live for. I can't just live for myself. there's no point and i'm not interested. i'm only here in the capacity that i might do something in someone else's life, i really could care less about building up my life just for the sake of self-advancement.

[Sac]

i have no job. i have no girlfriend (or boyfriend, whatever). no ambition, no desire... no purpose to be here. i have moderate talents in various things like writing and drawing, but nowhere to use them. i'm in such pain every day with the useless pointlessness of it all.

i'm in school and i could care less. i care about my life about as much as i care about a broken down car on cinder blocks in the front yard. sure, i could bust my ass and get it running. but why? what's the point? i sure don't want to.

day to day, i just barely manage to summon the effort to maintain things like brushing my teeth and making sure the garbage gets taken out before it overflows the can. it's just by the good graces of god that i'm even able to keep myself fed and do the laundry.

Jeez, you're out deep, bro.
I suggest reading some philosophy on absurdism, nihilism and existentialism in general. The Myth og Sisyphus by french philosopher Albert Camus has a lot of interesting points.
If you're not a fan of philosophy and all that bullshit, I suggest talking to someone about your issues - I know it's a damn kliché to say so, but that really is the best medicine for a depression - I've been there, and most people will go through an existential crisis eventually at some point in their lives. Good luck.

my life -is- an existential crisis. and actually, i majored in philosophy in college (minored in "all that bullshit"). the body of existentialist philosophy is my favorite in the Western conversation and unfortunately even though I went to a school whose featured scholar was Soren Kierkegaard, in my philosophy track existentialism was mostly looked at as a "cop out" or an intellectual dead end.

if you want my opinion, what i really need is a companion - someone else who took an interest in my life, whose interest in my doings from the very minute to the big-picture stuff would "validate" my motivations. the fact is, i know it's better to give a shit about your life for its own sake, and outside of any context, and ideally we're all supposed to be self-motivated, you know, and everyone is supposed to find happiness within themselves, but i really honestly need someone else to live for. I can't just live for myself. there's no point and i'm not interested. i'm only here in the capacity that i might do something in someone else's life, i really could care less about building up my life just for the sake of self-advancement.

Nobody can live entirely for themselves without completely losing their minds. You probably already know this, but friends, family, lovers, girlfriends/boyfriends, wives and husbands are what makes this life tolerable - 'cause let's face it, it's really shit sometimes.
Self-advancement is an important aspect of life, but only in relation to others - you know what I mean? It's not that fun to build a sandcastle, and then have no one to show it off to.
I don't know how else to put it - it's a bit hard discussing these things in english when it isn't my first language.

So I agree, try dating for a while and see how that works out for you - who knows, it might just turn the upside down on this depression-thingy?

[Guido]

same problem as turquoise and many other horrible problems. i'm pretty sure i'm dead within 5 years (i hope so actually)

[Twoism-ist]

oh fuck i am so scared of the future.

[Syni]

i have no job. i have no girlfriend (or boyfriend, whatever). no ambition, no desire... no purpose to be here. i have moderate talents in various things like writing and drawing, but nowhere to use them. i'm in such pain every day with the useless pointlessness of it all.

i'm in school and i could care less. i care about my life about as much as i care about a broken down car on cinder blocks in the front yard. sure, i could bust my ass and get it running. but why? what's the point? i sure don't want to.

day to day, i just barely manage to summon the effort to maintain things like brushing my teeth and making sure the garbage gets taken out before it overflows the can. it's just by the good graces of god that i'm even able to keep myself fed and do the laundry.

pretty much the same here, man. in college, don't see the point, no job, and I lost my car recently too. I know I can get up and do shit to get going, but I feel like I need another person to lean on who understands and supports everything

I have weird philosophies about government and life in general and I ran into a person a few months ago who had similar ideas, and we clicked, or so I thought. I grew irrationally attached to this person now, so I've dug myself into a deep hole... I'm just hoping I'll see some light down here, something...

[ninetyoneplus]

My humble 18-year-old opinion:

-You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else.

-If you aren't happy with yourself, how can you be happy when you are with someone who occasionally makes you sad or angry?

-If you think that a relationship will solve all the problems in your life, you will place too much emotional baggage on any early relationship and end up scaring him/her away and also end up getting hurt.

So: Create your own groove train, make yourself happy, gain confidence, and if anyone wants to join, let them.

[JosephG]

All crashing in. Debts, no money, hard to provide for family. World events. Dissociation, isolation. Alone.

[turquoise70]

All crashing in. Debts, no money, hard to provide for family. World events. Dissociation, isolation.

maybe, yeah.

Alone.

no.

[JosephG]

heh, thanks, Cole. Made me feel better with one word lol.

[Techboy]

in response to whatever was a few posts ago, i think "irrationally attached" is a rather sad way to term "love". instead of repressing it, explore it

[turquoise70]

in response to whatever was a few posts ago, i think "irrationally attached" is a rather sad way to term "love". instead of repressing it, explore it

must agree.

Also, in the past... 10 years or so of dating, I've come to have a very complex opinion (read: confused, but well-informed by experience) on the whole "dating someone because you need them" vs "being happy with yourself first, then dating". The truth is, I think, it takes a little of both. Few people -anywhere- are truly happy alone after a certain point in their life. I'm more alone now than I was when i was 18, 20, and 22. My feelings have changed as well. We don't have all the time in the world to make love happen, it just feels that way once you get started. No, you should never make a relationship with someone else the sole reason you're happy, but you're straight-up doing it wrong if you don't lean on (read: need) each other - if not at first, then years down the line, that's what it's going to be. The rest is just splitting-hairs as far as I'm concerned.

[pointlessdude]

My humble 18-year-old opinion:

-You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else.

-If you aren't happy with yourself, how can you be happy when you are with someone who occasionally makes you sad or angry?

-If you think that a relationship will solve all the problems in your life, you will place too much emotional baggage on any early relationship and end up scaring him/her away and also end up getting hurt.

So: Create your own groove train, make yourself happy, gain confidence, and if anyone wants to join, let them.

Too much knowledge contained in one post.

[Waterbagel]

My humble 18-year-old opinion:

-You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else.

-If you aren't happy with yourself, how can you be happy when you are with someone who occasionally makes you sad or angry?

-If you think that a relationship will solve all the problems in your life, you will place too much emotional baggage on any early relationship and end up scaring him/her away and also end up getting hurt.

So: Create your own groove train, make yourself happy, gain confidence, and if anyone wants to join, let them.

my eyebrows became unfurrowed upon reading this post

also

i liked albert camus' The Stranger

[747Music]

Ugh! I've gotta move back in with my folks until I can save up enough money for a vehicle of my own. Should be there at least for the length of the summer. If new BoC comes out then bonus! My parents live in a beautiful little spot out in the middle of a forest. So new BoC will go well with that. But it's still kind of a drag to have to move back in with my folks. I first moved out when I was 17. That was 8 years ago! Geez, I'm getting older fast. Oh well... I gotta try to not let it get me down.

[jakestott]

Ugh! I've gotta move back in with my folks until I can save up enough money for a vehicle of my own. Should be there at least for the length of the summer. If new BoC comes out then bonus! My parents live in a beautiful little spot out in the middle of a forest. So new BoC will go well with that. But it's still kind of a drag to have to move back in with my folks. I first moved out when I was 17. That was 8 years ago! Geez, I'm getting older fast. Oh well... I gotta try to not let it get me down.

Don't worry about it, you're still my young little petal.